There was a child who was watching their mother prepare a pot roast for their traditional Sunday family dinner.  The mother cut off the tips of the roast and put it into the pan.  The child asked, “Why did you cut off the tips of the roast?”  The mother replied, “That’s how my mother prepared it.  She’s in the other room, why don’t you go and ask here.”  The child then asked the grandmother, “How come when you prepare a roast you cut off the tips of the roast before you put it into the pan?”  The grandmother replied, “Well, that’s how my mother did it.  Why don’t you go ask her.”  So, once again the child went to her great-grandmother and said, “I asked Mom and Grandma why they cut off the tips of the roast before they put it into the pan and they each told me to ask you.”  “Well,” the great-grandmother said, “I don’t know why they are doing it…but I did it because the roast we bought always 10” in diameter but the pan we had was 8” in diameter”

Points to consider and ask your son or daughter:

Do you see our family as respecting the value of inquiry?  Do you see us respecting your curiosity?  Let them know you welcome their questions when asked with an intent to understand something that helps them think for themselves and make informed choices.

Often times we find ourselves agreeing to do something, sure we are clear about the agreement, sure that the other person has the same understanding of the agreement—but then how come there can be such misunderstandings that leave us so perplexed?  “I don’t want you home late tonight” can mean one thing for a parent (e.g., 10:00 pm) and another for an adolescent (e.g., midnight).  Clean the kitchen may mean one thing for a parent (clean and put away the dishes, clean the counter, sweep the floor) and another thing for your adolescent (put the dishes in the sink).

To teach your teenager about agreements and the need for them to insure their own clarity and that they and the other are agreeing to the same thing, you can do the following exercise: Read more »