![\"Worry](\"http:\/\/www.joycejuster.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/Worry_Well.jpg\")
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Most of us worry at least some of the time. We can\u2019t help it. From \u2018Will I be late?\u2019 to \u2018Did everyone hate the meal I cooked?\u2019 to \u2018Am I going to get the sack?\u2019 it\u2019s possible to worry about pretty much anything. And some of us worry more than we are comfortable with and that too we cannot help.<\/p>\n
Living a worry-free life is often seen as a desirable\u2014and achievable\u2014goal. But, according to experts, not only is it unreasonable to eradicate all worry, if we did so, we could miss out.<\/p>\n
\u2018We can\u2019t expect to rid ourselves entirely of worry,\u2019 says psychotherapist Andrea Perry. \u2018Far better to recognize it as the healthy life force it is. I think it\u2019s important, because if we see anxiety or worry as the enemy, then we want to push it away, stamp it out, get rid of it. But if we see it as telling us something, and we can use it to find ways to take better care of ourselves, that\u2019s far more useful.\u2019<\/p>\n
So, how can we better understand our worry, and learn to use it to our advantage? \u2018The price we pay for being able to think about the future is to know that we are mortal, and to know we are vulnerable,\u2019 says Dr Martin Rossman, author of The Worry Solution<\/span>. Our worries are rarely about what is happening right now, in the present moment. If we stop to examine them, we can see that they are about the prospect of some kind of future calamity. What if you are running late? Will your friends be angry with you, disown you, will you be left alone? What if you lose your job? Will you end up penniless and homeless?<\/p>\n \u2018Worry is often described as an allergy to uncertainty,\u2019 says Dr Kevin Meares, consultant clinical psychologist for the Northumberland Tyne and Wear NHS Foundation Trust. \u2018For a worrier, only small amounts of doubt are required to set off a large amount of worry,\u2019 he says. \u2018If you try to live your life by limiting uncertainty, you end up in a difficult place. You become controlled by routine.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018I used to feel terribly anxious about going to new places, in case I got lost or turned up late, so I\u2019d make extremely detailed maps and lists of directions, and always leave at least an hour earlier than I needed to,\u2019 says Theresa, 42. \u2018Even then, if there were a traffic jam I\u2019d get panicky and stressed, so I started to avoid going to new places altogether. It wasn\u2019t until my partner pointed out how difficult this was for him that I decided to see a counsellor.\u2019<\/p>\n One of the reasons we find it so difficult to worry less (no matter how much our exasperated loved ones may plead with us to let it go or that it doesn\u2019t help) is that it can give us a kind of comfort. \u2018There are psychological rewards for worrying, even when we worry about the things we can\u2019t change,\u2019 says Rossman. \u2018Worrying about something can partially satisfy a sense that we are controlling or doing something about whatever is worrying us.\u2019 And when your most worrying predictions fail to come true, it\u2019s tempting to think it\u2019s all down to you.<\/p>\n \u2018The brain may interpret the connection between the worrying and the fact that the event never materialized as evidence we are exerting some kind of control over the situation,\u2019 says Rossman. \u2018It\u2019s easy to see how this kind of \u201csuccessful\u201d worry can lead us to an irrational yet powerful feeling that we can fend off undesirable events.\u2019<\/p>\n Although most of us are aware of the problems worry can cause, we may not realize it can have benefits, too. \u2018It\u2019s a good way of thinking rapidly about problems and solutions,\u2019 says Meares. Worriers like to be prepared. They will over-rehearse presentations, they will double check everyone has their passport, they will never be without a map or an emergency fund.<\/p>\n For this reason, worriers can be valuable people to have around. \u2018The question is, how do you use your anxiety?\u2019 says Perry. \u2018Do you use it to make effective choices or does it completely deactivate you? If, for example, it makes you feel you\u2019re not good at your job and you push yourself hard to compensate, then your employer may get fantastic work from you.\u2019<\/p>\n Perry also points out that worriers are like \u2018canaries in a coal mine\u2019 \u2013 they foresee problems that others don\u2019t. While researching her book on claustrophobia, she spoke to many sufferers who felt anxious about taking the Eurostar train from London to Paris. \u2018Then, when a train broke down in the tunnel and people were trapped for 12 hours, the authorities said they\u2019d had no way of preparing for something like that to happen,\u2019 she says. \u2018Anyone with claustrophobia could have predicted a train breaking down and people being trapped. In some circumstances, we need those people who have taken every care to make sure the worst doesn\u2019t happen.\u2019<\/p>\n This doesn\u2019t mean that your worry, however productive it makes you, feels any less stressful. But taking time to consider the benefits, as well as the ways you can manage your feelings of uncertainty and anxiety better, is an important first step in learning how to worry well. The goal is not to stamp out worrying, it\u2019s about changing the way you react. It is important to learn to begin to move away from the content of the worry and think about the underlying process.<\/p>\n And if we can do this, we come to one of the most useful functions of worry\u2014the insights it can give us to our subconscious thoughts. \u2018We all worry about the things that are important to us \u2013 our aspirations \u2013 and our worry improvises around those aspirations,\u2019 says Meares. \u2018For example, someone may say they\u2019re worried about being late for a meeting. When that person explores that worry further, they realize that they are worried about appearing indifferent to their commitment. Understanding what goals drive our worry appears to be an important step in overcoming it.<\/p>\n This can also help us evaluate what is important to us.\u2019 In the case of the individual who is worried about being late for the meeting, he discovered that what is important to him the value of his reputation and wanting to be a person of integrity. Meares often uses the cognitive behavioral therapy technique of the downward arrow (look for the Downward Arrow Technique that I\u2019ve also posted in my Reflections page) to help individuals examine their thoughts. \u201cIn this way, worry can be an important tool for self-knowledge,\u201d he says.<\/p>\n If you want to get to grips with it, the first step is to determine whether your worry has a real solution. Talking to trusted friends or a professional counsellor could help. But perhaps the most important thing to remember is that there\u2019s a place for worrying in everyone\u2019s life. We can reduce it, but none of us can stamp it out completely. And we may well become a stronger, more capable person if we can learn to use it to our advantage.<\/p>\n If we are going to worry \u2013 and let\u2019s face it, we are \u2013 we might as well learn to worry well.<\/p>\n SURPRISINGLY, WORRYING SOMETIMES IS HELPFUL\u2026 Most of us worry at least some of the time. We can\u2019t help it. From \u2018Will I be late?\u2019 to \u2018Did everyone hate the meal I cooked?\u2019 to \u2018Am I going to get the sack?\u2019 it\u2019s possible to worry about pretty much anything. And some of us worry more than […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,16,11,3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-573","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-adult-living","category-articles","category-life-lessons","category-psychology"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joycejuster.com\/thoughts\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/573","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joycejuster.com\/thoughts\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joycejuster.com\/thoughts\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joycejuster.com\/thoughts\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joycejuster.com\/thoughts\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=573"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.joycejuster.com\/thoughts\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/573\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":579,"href":"https:\/\/www.joycejuster.com\/thoughts\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/573\/revisions\/579"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joycejuster.com\/thoughts\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=573"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joycejuster.com\/thoughts\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=573"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joycejuster.com\/thoughts\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=573"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}The upside of worrying<\/h2>\n
![\"No](\"http:\/\/www.joycejuster.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/Worry_Well_2.jpg\")
<\/p>\nA tool for self-knowledge<\/h2>\n
![\"Relax\"](\"http:\/\/www.joycejuster.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/Worry_Well_3.jpg\")
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